Reflections on Meditations, Book 1, Section 7
“… to recover my composure quickly when someone is angry with me or has wronged me, and to be ready to reconcile with them as soon as they show any willingness to do so …”
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 1, Section 7
Today, as I did yesterday, I spent about thirty minutes reading Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations on Surisan.
Among the passages I underlined today, one from Book 1, Section 7 particularly caught my attention. It was about regaining our composure quickly when others become angry with us or treat us badly, and being willing to reconcile when they show even the slightest willingness to do so.
As I thought about this passage, I was reminded of the Buddha’s teaching about the second arrow.
I wondered whether recovering our composure quickly might be another way of saying that we should try not to shoot ourselves with the second arrow.
According to the Buddha’s teaching, the first arrow represents the pain we inevitably experience in life. We cannot always prevent ourselves from being hurt, disappointed, or treated unfairly.
But then comes the second arrow.
We may keep thinking about what happened, become angry, blame ourselves or others, or wish things had turned out differently. In doing so, we add more suffering to the pain we have already experienced.
The second arrow is something we inflict upon ourselves, often without even realizing it!
This teaching is closely connected to the Four Noble Truths. The first acknowledges that suffering is part of life. The second examines its causes, particularly our craving, attachment, and resistance to things as they are. The third teaches that suffering can come to an end, and the fourth offers a path toward that freedom through ethical conduct, mental discipline, and wisdom.
I want to become more aware of the second arrow in my everyday life.
When someone says or does something that hurts me, I may not be able to prevent the initial pain. But I can try to notice what happens in my mind afterward.
Am I still thinking about it? Am I making myself suffer more by repeatedly going over what happened?
I think this is where the Buddha’s teaching and Marcus Aurelius’s words come together for me.
Of course, understanding this intellectually and actually putting it into practice are two very different things.
I may know perfectly well what the second arrow is and still find myself shooting it again and again.
There is another part of Marcus Aurelius’s passage that made me think. He reminds himself to be willing to reconcile with someone as soon as that person shows a willingness to do so.
I wonder whether holding on to anger sometimes prevents me from recognizing when others are willing to reconcile.
It simply means that we don’t have to keep adding to our own pain.
Reading Meditations on Surisan today reminded me once again that I still have a great deal to practice.
I cannot always avoid the first arrow. But I hope to become more aware of the second one before I shoot it at myself.
And even when I fail, I hope I can recognize what I’m doing and begin again.
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