Based on a lecture by Professor Kim Joo-Hwan on September 12, 2026
Our relationship with ourselves develops through our relationships with others. This is the central idea connecting the six self–other affirmation practices introduced in Chapter 10 of Inner Communication: forgiveness, compassion, love, acceptance, gratitude, and respect.
Professor Kim illustrates this through the Korean word for “human,” ingan (人間), which combines the characters for “person” and “between.” He describes a human being as an interhuman being: someone whose existence takes shape in the space between people.
From this perspective, how we treat ourselves and how we treat others are deeply connected.
Why the practices belong together
Professor Kim explains that processing information about ourselves and others involves overlapping brain networks, including the medial prefrontal cortex (mPFC), the temporoparietal junction (TPJ), and the precuneus.
Within his framework, this overlap helps explain why self-directed and other-directed affirmation belong within one system of practice.
He organizes the six practices along two axes:
- Forgiveness → compassion → love
- Acceptance → gratitude → respect
In the theoretical sequence, forgiveness makes compassion possible, and compassion leads toward love. Acceptance makes gratitude possible, and gratitude leads toward respect.
These sequences describe the relationships between the practices. They do not prescribe where everyone must begin.
The first practice may be the hardest
Although forgiveness appears first, Professor Kim describes it as the most difficult practice. Gratitude may offer an easier entry point, while respect may also feel relatively accessible.
Forgiveness is challenging partly because its meaning is easily misunderstood. People may confuse it with approving harmful behavior, tolerating further harm, or reconciling with the person who hurt them.
Timing matters as well. Asking someone who is still intensely angry to forgive may leave them feeling that their pain has been dismissed.
For someone guiding meditation, understanding the sequence is therefore only part of the work. It is also necessary to recognize what a particular person may be ready to explore.
Finding a place to begin
Professor Kim suggests approaching forgiveness gently. If it feels too difficult or inappropriate, we can move to compassion and return to forgiveness later.
We also do not have to begin with someone we intensely dislike. Self-forgiveness may provide a more accessible focus.
The practices can be approached flexibly. Their theoretical order gives us a framework, while our circumstances help determine how we work within it.
At their center are two qualities: love and respect. The six practices offer ways to cultivate those qualities in our relationships with ourselves and with others.
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