Self–Other Affirmation: A Path to Inner Freedom — Part 4 of 5
Based on a lecture by Professor Kim Joo-Hwan
Professor Kim offers a simple definition of love: wishing that another person might be healthy and happy.
This definition directs our attention toward a quality of care we can cultivate. In loving-kindness meditation, we practice recognizing that care, sustaining it, and gradually extending it.
Love and the expectation of repayment
We sometimes keep an account of what we give in relationships.
“I did this for you.”
“You should do the same for me.”
“After everything I have given, how could you disappoint me?”
The lecture asks us to examine what happens when affection becomes tied to repayment.
Professor Kim uses caring for a dog as an example. We feed it, look after it, and enjoy its presence. The relationship can bring happiness through the experience of caring itself.
This example invites us to notice the warmth of giving and the ways that expectations can become entangled with it.
Loving-kindness practice develops the wish for another’s well-being. Decisions about what we can offer in a relationship still require judgment and an understanding of our limits.
Beginning with someone easy to love
The meditation described in the lecture begins with a being who naturally evokes affection.
It might be a loved one, a child, a close friend, or an animal. What matters is that thinking of them makes the feeling of care relatively accessible.
After settling and noticing the breath, we bring that being vividly to mind.
We notice what happens as we wish them well. Perhaps there is warmth, tenderness, or a gentle softening. Perhaps the feeling is quiet and subtle.
The important movement is to become aware of the loving feeling itself.
Attending to the feeling of care
Professor Kim emphasizes that the focus gradually shifts from the imagined person or animal to the care arising within us.
We notice what it feels like to wish someone happiness and health.
As that feeling becomes clearer, we begin to change the person we hold in mind while maintaining the same intention of care.
First, we can bring ourselves into the picture. Can we direct some of this warmth toward our own life?
Then we may imagine a friend, an acquaintance, someone we barely know, or a stranger. Eventually, when we feel ready, we can include someone with whom we have difficulty.
The circle expands gradually. There is no need to force the most difficult step.
A wish we can keep practicing
The feeling may weaken when we change the imagined person. We may notice resistance, distraction, or resentment.
These responses give us something to observe. We can return to the easier starting point and practice again.
A simple wish can guide us:
May you be healthy. May you be happy. May your suffering ease.
Loving-kindness gives us repeated opportunities to discover how widely we can extend care. Each return to that wish helps us become more familiar with a warm and generous way of relating.
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