Self–Other Affirmation: A Path to Inner Freedom — Part 5 of 5
Based on a lecture by Professor Kim Joo-Hwan
Some of our suffering comes from what has happened. Another layer can arise from the argument we continue having with it.
“This should never have happened.”
“My life should be different.”
“I cannot accept that this is where I am.”
Professor Kim describes acceptance as receiving what has already arrived in our experience. We begin by recognizing the reality of the present moment.
Ending the argument with what has already happened
Acceptance allows us to acknowledge an event, a feeling, or a circumstance as it is.
A disappointment has occurred. A relationship has changed. We feel sadness, anger, or uncertainty. Recognizing these facts gives us a clearer starting point for responding.
We can accept that something has happened and still take action to improve the situation. Acceptance helps us see what we are responding to.
The lecture connects this practice with images of surrender and laying down the mind’s resistance. We release some of the energy spent insisting that reality must already be different.
That energy can become available for the next step.
Making room for gratitude
Gratitude may be difficult when our inner conversation is full of criticism and resistance.
An instruction to “be grateful” can feel distant from our actual experience. We may search for the correct answer while feeling little connection to it.
Professor Kim therefore emphasizes the value of acceptance before gratitude.
We first acknowledge where we are and what we feel. As resistance softens, we may become more able to notice what is supporting us within this imperfect life.
Gratitude can then arise from something concrete: someone’s kindness, a meal, a place to rest, or a small moment of companionship.
Gratitude connects our lives with others
The lecture highlights a distinctive feature of gratitude.
We recognize something valuable in our own life, and we also recognize that it came through someone or something beyond ourselves.
“I received something that helped me.”
“You contributed to that.”
In this sense, gratitude brings self-affirmation and affirmation of others together. We appreciate what has come into our life while recognizing its source.
This can draw our attention to forms of support we ordinarily overlook. Much of everyday life depends on care, effort, and contributions that we did not create alone.
Giving gratitude a regular place
Gratitude becomes a practice when we return to it.
We can write down something specific and consider why it mattered. We might name the person involved, recall the moment, and notice how receiving it affected us.
Specificity helps the practice remain connected to lived experience. “Someone listened when I needed to speak” carries a different meaning from a general list of things we believe we should appreciate.
Bringing the practices together
The six practices of self–other affirmation form a connected way of relating.
Forgiveness loosens resentment. Compassion meets suffering with care. Love wishes for health and happiness. Acceptance acknowledges what is here. Gratitude recognizes what supports us. Respect invites us to recognize value in ourselves and others.
The lecture gives respect only a brief closing mention, but it belongs within this larger movement.
Each practice offers a way to change the tone of our inner conversation. We can return to them in ordinary moments—when a memory hurts, when we criticize ourselves, when someone disappoints us, or when we receive an unexpected kindness.
With practice, we may find more room to meet our lives with care, appreciation, and freedom.
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